What Is a Gray Divorce and Why Is it Increasing in California?

As social norms have changed over time, attitudes toward divorce have steadily shifted. For many, divorce represents an opportunity to start anew. Gray divorce—divorces involving spouses who are 50 or older—has become more common as people recognize how much life there is left to live after 50. For spouses who get a gray divorce, big changes can lead to living a more authentic life.

Getting a divorce after 50 can be liberating, and taking the process step-by-step can make that liberation feel manageable. The Stratte Firm regularly guides clients through gray divorce. To speak with someone about the possibility of divorce after age 50, contact the firm.

What Is Gray Divorce?

Gray divorce refers to divorces where the spouses are 50 or older when they split. People get divorced in their 60s, 70s, 80s, and beyond. Divorces among retirement-age people, in particular, have risen in recent years. Usually, gray divorce also involves spouses who have been married for a significant period of time, typically at least a decade or longer.

Why Is Gray Divorce on the Rise?

Divorces among younger generations have declined in recent years. At the same time, gray divorce is on the rise.

People cite many explanations, such as:

The social stigma surrounding divorce has been steadily declining in many places;
Children move out, leaving parents alone together for the first time in a long time;
People experience relationship issues, like infidelity; and
Spouses develop different priorities over time.

Ultimately, more people are starting to recognize that they do not have to simply accept relationships that no longer support them.

What Makes Gray Divorce Unique?

Unlike divorce between younger people, gray divorce rarely involves minor children, so child custody and child support play a minimal role, if any. In exchange, gray divorces often bring complex questions related to property division, finances, and benefits like retirement accounts and social security.

Property Division Rules

When a couple marries, they become a legal unit for property ownership purposes. Property either spouse earns or acquires after the wedding is typically community property, which both spouses have an equal right to. California Family Code (“FAM”) § 760. Community property often includes assets like:

Real estate,
Bank accounts and income,
Retirement accounts,
Business interests, and
Investment accounts.

After the couple separates, property either spouse acquires is separate. Separate property also includes:

Gifts to one spouse,
Inheritances, and
Assets acquired before marriage.

FAM § 770. Couples typically resolve how they will divide property through negotiation or mediation, guided by California law. California law states that couples should divide their community property equally, unless the spouses voluntarily agree to a different distribution. FAM § 2550.

Social Security, Retirement, and Similar Benefits

If a spouse earned retirement benefits during a marriage, those benefits qualify as community property. In the event of divorce, the other spouse is entitled to half the value of those retirement benefits. Specifically, they are entitled to their portion of the benefits that the earning spouse accumulated during the marriage.

Retirement benefits often operate as structured plans, so benefits grow with years of service. Calculating how to divide retirement benefits and social security can be particularly complicated in a gray divorce. How close you are to retirement age impacts what the process looks like. But typically, you need to get a special court order to ensure each spouse receives what they are entitled to. That order is called a qualified domestic relations order (QDRO), and your lawyer can ensure the order says what you need it to say.

Health Insurance

For many couples, separating means one spouse risks losing health insurance or other essential benefits. Your judge can order spouses to maintain insurance for one another during the divorce process. Yet, gray divorce often requires careful coordination to protect health after divorce. If you don’t have health insurance through an employer and don’t yet qualify for Medicare, you may need to look into options like short-term COBRA coverage, purchasing a plan through the health insurance marketplace, or assistance programs like Medicaid.

Spousal Support

Spousal support, or alimony, is less common now than it was in the past. But for couples who have been married for many years, spousal support can still be a lifeline for a lower-earning or non-working spouse. Generally, California law determines whether one spouse will pay the other spousal support based on:

The marketable skills and earning capacity of each spouse,
Support in obtaining marketable skills that one spouse provided to the other,
The standard of living the spouses experienced during the marriage,
What separate property each spouse owns,
How long the couple has been married,
Each spouse’s age and relative health,
Any history of domestic violence, and
Tax consequences to both parties.

FAM § 2550. When a spouse receives spousal support, the goal is to help them become self-sufficient. Spousal support can last for a set period of time, or, in limited cases, it can last for the rest of the recipient spouse’s life.

Estate Planning

Many estate planning documents and designations—such as life insurance beneficiary designations—need to be updated after a gray divorce. Divorce can automatically invalidate a will, but designations favoring a former spouse in other documents or accounts may continue even after divorce.

What Alternatives to Gray Divorce Exist?

If gray divorce sounds intimidating, alternatives to gray divorce may help. Those alternatives may look like:

Getting a legal separation—separating your lives but remaining legally married;
Separating your romantic relationship—agreeing to no longer be a romantic couple, even if you stay married; and
Separating finances—agreeing to rules about what property belongs to whom.

Critically, if you ever want to remarry, you cannot do so unless you get divorced first. A family lawyer can help you understand your options and guide you through pursuing an alternative, such as a marital separation agreement, if you are not ready for divorce.

Legal Separation

In California, legal separation is an alternative to divorce that addresses the same topics as divorce. When you legally separate, you resolve how you will divide assets and debts, whether either spouse will pay spousal support, and any issues related to child custody or support.

You submit legal paperwork nearly identical to divorce paperwork to a court. The court then issues an official order declaring you and your spouse legally separated but still married.

Creating a Marital Agreement

Even if you want to remain married, you can create a marital agreement establishing how you and your spouse want the marriage to work going forward. That agreement may address, for example, your finances and who lives where.

Getting a Gray Divorce with Support

Gray divorces often involve couples whose lives are deeply entangled. With the support of a family lawyer familiar with gray divorces, you can navigate the complexities of getting divorced after 50 and walk away with your head held high. If you are considering a gray divorce, the Stratte Firm can guide you through the process.