Separation-related conflict is always challenging, but when that conflict is about children, the intensity can reach even greater heights. High-conflict custody cases can leave you feeling drained and unsure of where to turn or what to do next. Knowing what to expect and having a plan to respond can help you keep moving forward.

With the dedicated, compassionate support of Caring Erin and The Stratte Firm staff, you can feel comfortable and confident that you can face the challenges that lie ahead. Reach out to discuss what we can do to prepare you and guide you forward with child custody strategies tailored to your specific circumstances.

How Does Child Custody Work in California?

The guiding principle of California child custody law is that every custody arrangement should be based on the best interests of the child. The law assumes that parents sharing custody is in the child’s best interests, but what that looks like can vary, and certain circumstances can change the assumption.

Custody Factors

California courts consider the following factors to determine what custody arrangement is in a child’s best interests:

  • The child’s age and health;
  • Any history of abuse existing between the parent seeking custody, the other parent, another household member, or someone in a relationship with that parent;
  • The historical parent-child relationship and amount of time the parent has spent with the child; and
  • Habitual use or abuse of controlled substances, alcohol, or other harmful substances by the parent, especially in the child’s presence.

A court may also consider any other facts or circumstances relevant to what is best for the child when resolving custody.

Joint Custody

When parents do not live and co-parent together, they must establish which parent the child will live with and who will make decisions about the child’s life. Where the child lives is referred to as physical custody, and decision-making authority over the child’s life is referred to as legal custody. By default, parents share legal custody, which means they both have a say in decisions about the child’s life related to their upbringing, care, and education. Courts usually give both parents legal custody unless there is a solid reason why this is not in the child’s best interests.
Regarding physical custody, children typically split their time evenly in each parent’s physical care. This is called joint custody. Joint custody is also the term courts use to describe situations where one parent might have more time with the child, but both still make decisions about the child’s life.

Alternatively, the child may live with one parent more than the other. That parent is called the custodial parent, while the parent the child does not live with as often is the noncustodial parent. Usually, the noncustodial parent pays child support in this type of arrangement.

Sole Custody

For one parent to have true sole custody, they must have sole legal and physical custody. In that case, the other parent may have limited visitation rights without physical or legal custody.

A court only awards sole custody if it finds that shared custody is not in the child’s best interests. Situations where the court might reach this conclusion usually involve one parent exhibiting one or more of these characteristics:

  • A history of domestic violence directed at the child, the parent, or another household member;
  • A history of sexually abusing the child or others; or
  • A history involving a substance abuse problem.

In short, for a judge to decide that shared custody is not in the child’s best interests, one parent must pose a risk to the child’s health or well-being. To justify the other parent getting sole custody, the risk to the child must be greater than the harm of limiting the parent-child relationship.

High-Conflict Custody Cases

A custody case may involve high conflict if the parents struggle to get along, have strongly opposing views of how the court should handle custody, or both. When a judge determines that the level of disagreement between the parents justifies an extra safeguard, they may appoint a guardian ad litem (GAL). This individual participates in the custody process to represent and advocate for the child’s interests.

How to Get an Advantage in a Custody Battle

There are things you can do and focus on throughout your case that can give you an advantage in a custody battle. A family lawyer can guide you through selecting from and successfully using these strategies—and more—to give you the best chance of achieving your custody goals.

Focus on the Child

Child custody always comes back to the child’s best interests. The more you focus on the child’s needs, especially when interacting with the court and the other parent, the more the judge will see that you have your priorities in order. And when a judge knows you have your priorities in order, they trust you more and tend to rule more in your favor than they otherwise would. So keep your child’s needs at the top of the list, where they should be.

Cooperate, But Be Assertive

Studies have shown that conflict between parents, even conflicts not directly involving the child, can be detrimental to children’s health and well-being. By genuinely attempting to cooperate, you show you are putting the child’s needs above any personal issues.

On the other hand, you may need to stand up against the other parent to protect your child, too. For example, if the other parent insists on completing pickup on time despite an overlapping earthquake warning, you may need to modify the exchange to account for the child’s safety. If this modification is not in compliance, it might look like you are defying the court’s order. But you want to protect your child, and you should. So what do you do?

When in doubt about what is reasonable to protect your child, consult a lawyer. Denying someone time with their child without a good reason can lead to legal trouble, and knowing the line in such circumstances can be difficult. It is reasonable to consult with your lawyer in such circumstances to be sure you are doing the right thing and won’t suffer legal consequences.

Document Everything

As with any legal conflict, document everything you can, preferably in a format that includes the date. In the modern age, many parents use parenting apps to coordinate parenting time. Everything you send on those apps may be used as evidence in screenshot form.

You can also screenshot many other digital interactions, including:

  • Text messages,
  • Direct messages,
  • Social media posts, and
  • Other social media interactions.

You may be tempted to record interactions using your phone. If you do, it is important to be aware that California is a two-party consent recording state. Recording confidential information without permission from both people involved in an interaction is a criminal offense, and you cannot use any evidence you obtain without consent to support your legal case.

Follow Court Orders

Once you have court orders, it is essential to follow them. Failing to follow valid court orders can taint the court’s assessment of your co-parenting abilities. The judge could also hold you in contempt of court and slap you with fines or potential jail time.

If your current court order presents a risk to yourself or your child, consult an attorney as soon as possible. In the meantime, you can also request a protective order for yourself, your child, or both. An initial protective order is temporary, generally lasting two weeks. During that time, you can work with an attorney to create a longer-term plan.

Be Candid

Be especially candid with your lawyer. If they construct your case based on incomplete or inaccurate information, the chances of your case succeeding decrease significantly. And do not attempt to conceal things from a judge—especially things the other parent knows and may use to make you look bad.

And while this may go without saying, we’ll say it: Do not lie. Don’t lie to the other parent (unless it concerns you or your child’s safety), do not lie to the judge, and do not lie to your lawyer. Your lawyer is obligated to keep what you tell them confidential. They need to know everything, good and bad, to prepare the best possible case.

Look After Yourself

Although your child comes first, you cannot care for them if you do not take care of yourself. Ensure you take time for your physical, mental, and emotional health.

Take Advantage of Your Resources

Many parents do not know about numerous community resources that exist, such as:

  • Parenting classes,
  • Support groups,
  • Sports and other classes for your child, and
  • Events like concerts and other entertainment for yourself and your child.

Each community varies, but there may be a world of resources hidden from view that can ease some of the strain on you and your family.

Hire an Experienced Child Custody Lawyer

Hiring an experienced, dedicated child custody lawyer can be the key to implementing these strategies. Your lawyer can help determine which overall strategy makes the most sense and guide you through how to make those strategies work in your situation.

Reach Out to Discuss Your High-Conflict Custody Case

When you are ready, the Stratte Firm is here to help with high-conflict custody cases. Our firm, led by Erin Stratte, can help you understand the law underlying the situation, identify which child custody strategies to use, guide you through the process, and represent you in court. We work with, not just for, our clients to ensure that what matters most—your child—is at the center of your legal strategy.

Resources:

California Family Code § 3011, link.

California Family Code § 3020,  link.

California Family Code § 3150, link.

California Family Code § 3151, link.

California Family Code § 6250,  link.

California Penal Code §  632, link.

Gordon T. Harold & Ruth Sellers, Annual Research Review: Interparental Conflict and Youth Psychopathology: An Evidence Review and Practice Focused Update, 59 J. Child Psych. & Psychiatry 374 (2018), link.